Loneliness

Hi Judy - I am so pleased to be able to contact you and ask you for advice!  I feel very alone because my husband spends all his time on the computer and doesn't even know that I am around or seem to care.  What can I do? - Shelly, Ft Norris

Hello Shelly

I can sense your feeling of loneliness.  You did not tell me how long you have been married but I would like to say to you and to other women in your situation (and there are many) - just be glad that your husband isn't gadding around with other women or in the pub! Having said that though, my advice to you would be to find a job or hobby which would make you really feel fulfilled.  We cannot look to others to create our happiness - the trick is, we have to create it for ourselves.  Once you have your own interests, you won't feel so alone and it won't bother you how much time your husband spends on the computer.  In fact, HE may just be the one who feels lonesome for you!

Remember when you were going out on dates how off-putting it was when you sensed desperation in someone else?  Well, that still applies.  Don't be desperate.  Create a life of your very own.

Judy

Judy - I am new in town and I just cannot seem to make any friends.  People are friendly enough and greet me but I just cannot seem to make any "connections".  I am feeling so lonely, out of place and longing to return to the town from where we moved.  Lynn, Gl Burnie

Hello Lynn

There's a saying that goes "If you found the people in the last place you lived unfriendly, you will find the same in the next place" and vice-versa.  It also goes the other way around.  I have found that it takes at least two full years to feel re-connected after you have moved somewhere new.

An important thing to remember is that you will go through a stage of "mourning" for your old home and friends - so give yourself time to get over the loss and you won't be surprised  that you are feeling so sad. It's normal.

The best way to find friends with the same interests is to join a family church nearby and/or some clubs or a gym.

Judy