Anger

Dear Judy
I have a daily struggle to contain my rage, anger and hostility. What shall I do?
Grrr Man - Santa Ana, LA

Hi Grrr Man!
It is said that anger is a result of unshed tears.  Are you perhaps keeping a lot of pain bottled up inside you?  Has some sad or tragic event resulted in your having to restrain yourself?  Men are often wrongly raised to believe "boys don't cry", which is absolutely in error.  Both men and women need to cry when an event leaves them hurt and/or shattered.
It is time to face the event that has saddened you and caused this anger.  Put on some melancholy music when you are on your own, think of that life event until you can cry.  This should relieve a lot of anxiety and anger.  If this does NOT help, have anger-management-therapy.
Judy

Hi there Judy

I am hoping that you will be able to give me some assistance.  I am a female with a quick temper and end up saying and doing things in the heat of the moment that I did not really mean.  How do I control myself?  Thanks - Beryl, San Francisco.

Hello Beryl

Firstly, I wish to commend you for admitting you have a problem with anger.  Women with anger issues do not usually like to admit this.  They feel it is "unfeminine".  Having said that, here is what I want you to do.  The next time you are in company and you feel your irritation mounting, I want you to say "Excuse me please".  Tell them you are going to the bathroom.  In the bathroom, I would like you to breathe slowly and deeply in and out.  You see when we are in an angered state of mind, we breathe rapidly and do not let enough oxygen in to our systems - this is possibly why we do things which are regrettable - we cannot think unless we are charging our bodies calmly with oxygen.  Therefore the first-aid treatment is (1) Excuse yourself (2) Once alone exhale and inhale very slowly and deeply.  (3) Stay in the bathroom until you have calmed down and can think rationally.  (4) Ask yourself if it is really worth getting angry over - will it matter in a month or year from now?  Then rejoin the party!  Practice this and you should stop your knee-jerk reactions.  All the best!

Judy

Hi Judy, When I become enraged I faint.  Should I see the doctor?  What could be causing this?  I am embarrassed to tell the doctor.  Claire, San Antonio

Hi there Clare

There is nothing too embarrassing to see the doctor about - remember that!  It is his job to deal with all manner of things.  He does not find them embarrassing even though you may.  Getting back to the point - your fainting - I would say the exact opposite is happening to you as what I explained to Beryl (above).  You are probably hyperventilating.  Do you experience a sense of pins and needles before you faint?  Try the old brown-paper bag routine.  Breathe in and out of the paper bag until you feel your head begin to clear and then use the "first-aid" treatment I suggested to Beryl as well.

If this does not work, then do please see the doctor.

Judy