Crying

I cannot cry any more and it's beginning to disturb me.  This happened when my first husband told me that tears are a sign of self-pity and weakness.  What do you say, Judy? Charlotte, California.

Charlotte, we live in an aggressive world where many people harden themselves like your first husband did and do not allow tears to flow.  Actually, crying is a totally normal and human reaction to sadness, sorrow and even frustration or anger.  To stop what the body does in the natural scheme of things is simply to invite trouble.  Unshed tears can cause a build up of great anger.  Crying is good for the soul.  It washes away pain.  It is there for a reason.  It shows that we are human.  Don't fight it any longer.  Put on some sad music and cry about those things that have hurt you.  I guarantee that your tears will help you to attain healing.

I lost my mother a few months ago.  At the beginning, I could not cry and felt guilty.  Now I can't stop the tears every time I think of her - even in inappropriate places such as the supermarket.  Phyllis, New Zealand

Phyllis, it is quite normal after experiencing loss to feel so numb that we cannot cry.  In these cases, shock is a blessing that carries us through the initial time of grief.  As it wears off, however, and reality sets in - our ability to cry about the loss kicks in.  It's totally normal to react this way.  It is part of the grief process. Think of your tears as a way of washing away the acuteness of the pain, bit by bit.  I know it's difficult when you find yourself weeping in a public place - but don't fight your tears.  We are all human with human reactions.  Others will understand and perhaps even lend you a shoulder to cry on.  One thing we all share eventually is a journey through grief.  All the best to you.